My Uneventful Weekend

Friday I did not get out of bed until 4:30 p.m. I had been awake for quite a spell, but I felt incredibly ashamed by the horrible show my band had played the night before. In retrospect, it really doesn't matter that much - we're supposed to sound like shit - but I was rather upset afterwards.

I got out of bed finally and showered and stuff and then I watched The Three Burials of Melqiaudes Estrada for the third time in two days. It's one of the best movies I've ever seen. I cannot express how great I think it is. If I ever buy another DVD ever again it will be The Three Burials of Melquiades Estrada. So... good.

Afterwards I returned the movie and went to Bobby's where he grilled burgers, asparagus and even some portabellos. It was good. Then we sat on the couch and looked at power tools and furniture we want to build on the Internet. It kind of sounds like a date, but there were 10 other people there, including his fiance, so I don't think it was a date.

I went home and couldn't sleep so I laid in bed for a long time and then I watched This Old House - Classics onon HGTV. Then I went and got donuts, ate them, came back home and slept for four hours until I was woken up and told I was playing tennis. Played tennis, beat some ass.

After showering and all of that good stuff I went to rent a movie. I settled on the movie Carrie because, despite knowing just about everything about it, I've never seen it all the way through. Naturally, even though I checked the box and made sure it was the 1976 version of the movie, the DVD they gave me was the 2002 television remake of the film. Motherfucker. So I sat at home alone all Saturday night and watched more HGTV. I learned a lot about how to create a garden getaway outside my London loft.

Today I enjoyed the fact the air conditioning broke. That's been pretty sweet. And then I went around and did some things even more boring than what I've already mentioned.

In other news, I ordered two of those new 99 cent crispy chicken sandwiches from Wendys two days ago and the dipshit who made them gave me the real crispy chicken sandwiches with tomato. He totally fucked up and he even got in an argument with the cashier about it when she told him he wasn't supposed to put tomato on the 99 cent chicken sandwiches. My point is that I got two of the regular crispy chicken sandwiches from Wendys the other day for $2.13 and it was probably the best thing that's happened to me in weeks. Sad, BUT TRUE.

I Hate Shaq

Deadspin nails it with their assesment of the Jerry Stackhouse suspension. Reggie Evans' crotch cupping, of course you've got to suspend him for that. Raja "who is this kid?" Bell attempting to decapitate Kobe naturally deserved a one-game suspension. Stackhouse was going for the ball, but realized it was probably more important to land on his feet than continue after it. In the air contact, Shaq is an out-of-shape has been who couldn't have stopped himself from flying into the crowd even if someone hadn't touched him.

Things That Fucking Suck

- Somebody knocked the sideview mirror off of my parked car. I was hoping to pass inspection Monday morning. I thought at first that I might be able to creatively duct tape the detached area so it would go unnoticed, but after I drove home I gingerly closed my door and the mirror still managed to pop off and spiderweb, so that's fucked. Ugh.

- My friend Mike is moving to Portland in the morning. I'm going to miss hanging out with him. I'm also jealous. I should move. I don't know where or why, though. I either want to live in the middle of nowhere or the middle of everything. My commitments vary daily. And moving somewhere isn't going to fix whatever the fuck is wrong with me, anyway. I also don't like the idea of having to make new friends. I'm not a very good friend and I don't really like talking to people I don't know. Eck. I'm too old to fear talking to strangers.

- My stupid band is playing a show Thursday and I don't want to practice. Seeing as how I don't want to practice, we probably won't, and we'll humilate ourselves even more than normal. Or maybe we'll be awesome. I don't know. I'm in a bad mood.

- There's nothing good on television. There's never anything good on television at 2:30 in the morning. Fuck all that.

- Nathan offered me 10 dollars for my shirt tonight and I didn't sell it to him. It would have been a 7 dollar profit. I'm an idiot.

This blog was in good shape my first day back. It seems to be back in the crapper already, though. I'm going to bed and I hope I don't wake up until late October. I'm ready for some god dammned October.

Most Obvious Statement of the Week

Dane Cook's Tourgasm was god awful. That's all for now.

My Saturday Mornings Were Spent With Elsa in Lieu of Cartoons

Is it weird that Christiane Amanpour and Elsa Klensch remind me a lot of each other? They kind of look alike. The sound alike. They've both been on CNN a lot.

Is it weird that I know who Elsa Klensch is?

Ann Coulter Not Satisfied With Just Being Bat-Shit Crazy

You probably heard about this already, but here's a clip of Ann Coulter proving that she is, in fact, Satan.



I've tried to think of something to say about this, but I've got nothing. Wow.

"BECAUSE I'M A FUCKING CAVEMAN!!!"

As I sit here watching Jude Law and Clive Owen have cybersex, I can't help but think about how much I miss the fall and winter. I played tennis today and developed the worst blister on my heel I've ever had. While I finished the match in my socks (and still dominated [it's all I've got, people]), the skin would not have ripped off heel if it were fall... or winter... It would have been too cold to play tennis. It would have been overcast and breezy and possibly all muddy with little spots of snow about from the previous night's precipitation. That would be nice. I like being cold. I like it being dark outside. Summer is for assholes.

This fucking movie has to be on right now. I can't not watch it. I vowed after leaving the theater that I would never watch this movie again, yet I've probably seen it 3 times in the past 3 or 4 weeks. It's just going to make me cry and be depressed. Fuck all. Hingis better win tomorrow or my week is getting the flush.

And now we come to the part where Julia Roberts reveals herself to be the devil. Oh, dear god it's worse each time I see it.

Oh, life. Who needs a drink. And it's too late. Diet Dr. Pepper and a bloody heel.

Activist Judges Want to Kill Your Momma!

Activist judges. Activist judges! I'm so fucking sick of this conservative created connotation (alliteration! [rhyme!]). Activist judges want homosexual men to fuck each other in Frank's living room, but not female homosexuals because Frank likes to masturbate to such. Dude's doing it? That's queer! Chicks? Aw, shit, that's hot! Bring me my stroking sauce!










I hate that gay marriage is an issue in this country. How does it affect anyone who is against it in anyway? It's so obvious that gay marriage should be completely legal and I've rattled on and on about it before, it's just... it's particularly annoying that it's going to be back in the news for the next several months as a conservative ploy to tilt the vote in their favor. Yeah, that's politics, I get it, but all this religious shit, all this "traditional marriage" shit, it's just getting really, really old. Look at how happy these people are:


It's like Americans are devolving socially. Are you looking at those people? ISN'T THAT FUCKED UP??? Gay marriage will be legal in my lifetime. This is not a prediction, it's just common sense. Can't we as a country - a big, fat, lying, greedy, racist, sexist, xenophobic, homophobic family (we're all in this together people) - deal with this sooner than later? I much prefer politics when they revolve around issues I don't really care about.

My Return to Blogging With Things That Are Awesome

Here's what's awesome in the world right now:

- Martina Hingis is back in a Grand Slam quarterfinal (The French Open to be exact, the only Grand Slam she's never won) and she will be facing up with Kim Clijsters again, a rematch of the Australian Open quarterfinal from earlier this year. Awwwwww snap, it's going to be a battle.

- I'm reading One Hundred Years of Solitude right now and it's rocking my ass. Sure, I probably should have read this book 7 or 8 years ago when my English teacher recommended it to me, but she accused me of plagerizing my Lord of the Flies paper on the last day of my high school career, so it hasn't been a matter of me taking forever to follow her recommendation, it's simply taken me forever to get over the fact that she recommended in the first place.

- Two presumably awesome movies are coming out on DVD tomorrow for my rental pleasure (I miss the days when I used to blow all of my money buying DVD's. Those days were awesome.): Sarah Silverman: Jesus is Magic and The Three Burials of Melquiades Estrada. Both of which I predict to be fantastical.

- The Cherry Blossom Clinic hosted by Terre T which I am listening to right now. Every radio show ever should be like this one. Except for The Best Show which should stay the way it is.

- Jarret being the manager of my band. I find that to be completely silly yet completely awesome and legitimate at the same time. I wonder how many Ts he has in his first name. Hrmm...

- The season finale of Big Love last night. Holy shit that was great! What a drag that it won't be on again for what will seem like decades. I doubt HBO even knows when it will be coming back. Fuck school. At least I'll get to see Jeanne Tripplehorn pick up her Emmy before then.

On a sidenote for Big Love fans, please go here and look at this: http://www.hbo.com/biglove/charticle/index.html. The list of biggest fears killed me.

That's all I've got for now. Let's see if I can't get back into blogging regularly. I haven't been self-indulgent all week; it's Monday already and I think I deserve some "me" time.