I'm plotting revenge against someone who... well, let's keep it at someone. And since living well is the best revenge according to some random-ass clergyman poet, I'm going to start living well, motherfuckas. I'm going to be healthy. I'm going to... uh... I don't know what. How do you "live well"? Maybe I should work on my appearance. I would like to be pleasant to look at. Maybe it will help me trick some girl into kissing me. So, how do I go about being attractive? Should I start paying more than 13 dollars for a haircut? Maybe. I'm totally balding now. It's fucking bullshit. I hate haircuts. Do you think a 20 dollar job would help me, though? What about a 50 dollars job? FUCK! That's alotta dough for my thinning dome pubes. I don't know. I need help. I need a life coach. No more running half miles! A full mile or nothing! No more listening to Neil Young's "Only Love Can Break Your Heart" on repeat all night (after tonight, that is). No more diet cheating. I bought fucking crackers to snack on today. Healthy ones! They say "garden" in the title. Gotta get good looking eating crackers!