Getting Virgin Sue to Sack

If you're reading this and you're not either Julia or Crystal, then you're probably on Facebook, my least favorite social networking website. Yeah, I even like Friendster more than Facebook, not that I ever figured out how to use Frienster. Anyway, Facebook gets an RSS feed of my blog now so lots of my trite thoughts and ideas will even more readily available to you. These writings more than likely reveal me as the vain, lonesome ignoramus I truly am. Welcome to Now I Wanna Be Your Blog!

This typical Friday evening finds me sitting on a bed, typing on a computer, listening to Sex For Teens (Where It's At). It's sad that I'm listening to this for a laugh, yet I've kind of become drawn in by the soothing voices and gentle explanations from their Dr. Dad. It started out pretty angry; 18-year-old Bill was bitching out his 16-year-old "whore" of a sister Sue for getting all hung up on her dirty-haired boyfriend when all said boyfriend wants to is hustle Sue into bed. This guy doesn't know where it's at; he doesn't even want to be part of society. And all Sue cares about is that he's cute. Anyway, by the end of side A she's decided to dump him while Bill is telling his dad about how he gets a hard-on every time he sees a piece. It's okay, Bill, I do too. I do too. Oh, and since this was recorded in 1969, there's even a part where they predict that there will not be enough oxygen for us to continue living in 1999. Perhaps Stanley Z. Daniels, M.D. knew more about Y2K in 1969 than we could even understand to this day. Here's to breathin'!

So, basically, I'm bored. Earlier I watched Down By Law for the first time. It made me realize that Jim Jarmusch's more recent movies are worse than I thought. I liked it a lot but it's not really a movie I think I'll have much of an urge to watch repeatedly.

Did you know that sperm can fertilize an egg 48 hours after intercourse? Should I have known that? I suppose these things aren't relevant for guys like me and Warren (pictured below).



If you can tell me what movie Warren is in you are awesome.

Movies in my near future:

Open City, my first foray into Roberto Rossellini films. I should have seen this years ago but I just haven't. I really don't know much about Italian film short of Fellini, Antonioni, and De Sica, which is pretty lame for someone who fancies himself some sort of movie guy. I guess I fancy myself that that. I should probably fancy myself something.

The General, my first foray into Buster Keaton movies. I think. This I have seen clips of my entire life but never realized what it was. AFI ranked it in the top 30 American movies of all-time two nights ago, despite not having it in the top 100 ten years ago. Don't even get me started on that fucking list. Fargo getting bumped out of the top 100 is enough to make me consider the list irrelevant. Anyway, I was going to rent The General but I realized it might be in the public domain, which it turned out to be, so I'm going to watch it online when I finish writing this, and then to bed. Oh, exciting Friday.

The Bridge, a documentary I don't feel like writing about right now. I can't wait to see it, though. It's looks unbelievable. I will see it as soon as I send back Shut Up and Sing, the Dixie Chicks' documentary I watched two days ago that was really good. I love those girls. It made me cry. I am pathetic.

Finally, my new pretend girlfriend is Kristen Schaal.



I feel in love with her last night, this morning I was thinking she is a tiny bit goofy looking, but in a GOOD way, and now I just think she's hot and I want to love her forever. So, sorry girls - I'm taken once again.

Woo blog!

Motherfuck It Motherfuckers

I've been a bit distant lately. More than usual. I spend too much time on the Internet, but I currently have nothing better to do. I haven't charged my cell phone in over a week. It seems pretty worthless. I talked to the checkout girl at the grocery store for a few seconds and it was the best conversation I've had out loud with anyone in weeks. I wanted to tell her I liked her hair but I think that would have been creepy. She was probably in high school. Her hair was cute, though.

All I do is tell everyone how stupid they are on these local news messageboards and then they write back things that are even more stupid and no matter how much I might amuse myself by kicking these morons in their internet ballz it's really not very gratifying. I hope I get a job soon. I should consider trying really hard to get one instead of just giving it a shot here and there. I would love to see a video of myself during one of these stupid interviews I've done. I bet I look like I'm sitting in an electric chair.

Oh, well. Motherfuck it motherfuckers.

Next on the Agenda: Peeping

Do you ever catch yourself starring at girls that are barely even moderately attractive for way too long? If you're reading this you're probably Julia, so my guess is no. I do this, though, to completely strangers. I wait until they look at me before I look away (which is really disturbing, but I at least look away quickly, ashamed of myself). I did it to some girl at a gas station as I drove passed and realized what I had done. Darn my eyes! I'm a creep. I was just thinking, "Look, there's a girl!" so I looked at her. Baby steps towards a prison term! That will be pleasant.

Blogging is Where I'm a Viking

Hello blog. I haven't posted on you lately because I was disappointed in your statistics. No one reads you. I've concluded that this is probably a good thing, though, so I'm over it. I don't write about anything interesting here, anyway. Here's what I've been up to:

Not much. The entire weekend was spent uploading cds to iTunes. Basically non-stop. I'm maybe 20% done. I've got four days worth of music to listen to now, at least. I'm being a real freak about organizing it, too. Cover artwork for everything. All words in song titles are capitalized (This is hard for me to do but I was having a hard time with what should and shouldn't be capitalized. I know the general rules but these things are fairly subjective and I decided it was just easier to capitalize all words unless it's specifically different on the back of the album [Who says I don't write about interesting things?].) All cds must have the original release date year. And don't get me started on the genres. I began with the notion that I wouldn't use any customized genre names and would only use what iTunes has available. Well, that last for a while but then I went back and changed 20 some albums because it was driving me nuts. I embrace the term "alternative" but I wonder if I have a different view of what all it entails than most. For example, I would mark Daydream Nation as alternative. Same with You're Living All Over Me. Same with Nevermind, Siamese Dream, and American Thighs. But I would mark Bee Thousand as indie. Does anyone think that's weird? I think it's pretty fair. I'm trying to stay general with it. What about a band like The Handsome Family? I gave in and put them as alt country, but I really don't know what the hell they are. Is Jawbreaker punk? Yes, but that almost seems too general.

There has been a great debate started on a messageboard I frequent regarding Ralph Wiggum. Someone tells him to go to sleep and he responds, "Oh, boy, sleep! That's where I'm a viking!" I understood it in the less popular way and everyone is acting like myself and a few other highly intelligent folk are in-fucking-sane for understanding it in anything other than the most literal way possible. The literal way isn't funny, though. Anyway, apparently metafliter has picked up on it and I even heard that it was mentioned on "The Best Show on WFMU" (I have not listened to the most recent episode yet). We're hoping that The Onion's AV Club will settle the debate by contacting the writer or something, but who knows. I found it funny the way I originally understood the joke and I find it unfunny to think that he is just dreaming of being a viking. I've concluded that I don't really care what the intention way anymore because I found it funny one way and I'm sticking to it. I think your understanding of the joke says a lot about a person's personality type.


That movie review I wrote for the paper two weeks ago? They ran it this week. How silly. Apparently my former high school teacher asked the editor guy about it and he claimed that he never received it. I think my former teacher strong-armed him. She's got pull in this 'berg. He then e-mailed me saying such so I sent it to him again and he wrote back something about coming down and getting my picture taken which I completely ignored. Anyway, they ran the review. The editing wasn't so hot, but it was only two things and since I only sent in the review because I was told that if I'm going to complain about the quality of the entertainment section I should write something for it myself (this was told to me by the editor, mind you), I didn't really care very much. Anyway, I thought that was funny. And kind of stupid. At least I didn't have my ugly mug next to it, only my pretty name.

I know no one reads this, but if you come across it I would like your opinions on my iTunes genres and your understanding of what Ralph Wiggum means when he says, "Oh, boy, sleep! That's where I'm a viking!"

Criterion is Putting Out Breathless!!!

I didn't get it at first. The May newsletter has this picture:



That's obviously a reference to Breathless, but I didn't realize they put picture hints for upcoming released at the bottom of the newsletters. I'm totally dense. Anyway, I was just looking at the Criterion Forum linked on my sidebar over there and they say that Breathless has been cofirmed and is expected out this year. Fuck yes. They'll probably pan and scan it like they've been doing with everything lately, but it will still be far superior to the current release.

Today has been a Criterion day. I ordered two which is something I'm usually far too poor to do. I still am, really, but them shitz was so cheap! I got the new two-disc The Third Man and Une Femme est une Femme for 40 dollars on the nose. I paid 40 dollars for the original Criterion The Third Man I have. And I've wanted Une Femme est une Femme pretty badly for a while now. I'm thinking about buying another. These Criterion sales are once, maybe twice a year, and they're one of the few things in the world that makes me happy. Unless the movies are shitty, that is.

So I'm going to have two copies of The Third Man and two copies of Seven Samurai. That's dumb.